Website Logfile Analysis: The Search-Engine Users

Grruwlf!  Snoop-Dog here, again setting the Wayback Machine for: time = "Fall 2004" and place = "my website's logfile".  Today's topic is The Search-Engine Users.  This time I shall organize the data according to how I felt when I saw these search-queries in my logfile.  The porn-links are in section "Disgusted".

My logfile shows 318 entries whose referers are search-engine users, with 237 distinct search-queries, some of which I've combined into near-synonymous groups.  For example, it seems to me that someone searching for  "M/F furry" and someone who wants "M/F yiff" are probably looking for the same pages on the web.  I use the notation [5×] to indicate that there are four other queries similar to the one shown.

There are 729 logfile entries from the engines themselves, stopping by to keep their databases current, which is more than twice the number of hits from actual users.  In part this is my fault for not putting "Expiry" headers on the output from my .PHP programs.  That causes some engines to reread the files multiple times per week even though they don't change for months at a time.  Problem is, I can't decide what expiry time I should use.  This person recommends 48 hours for HTML files, which seems too short.

Happy

Okay, I'll start with the good stuff.  It's all downhill after that.

I was happy to see these entries in my logfile, because they made me feel like I was actually helping someone by putting my crap out on the web:

Sad

I was saddened to see these in my logfile, as I don't think these searchers really wanted what I was offering.

Quizzical

I wish I knew more about what these people were actually trying to find.

Cynical

I suppose I should be happy that these "typical searches" found me, but I just can't help thinking there's so many other sites out there that would be more relevant than my crap.

Angry

I wish these people would not visit my website.

Disgusted

None of these searches actually finds any pedo porn, yet tons of people keep trying these same queries, looking through page after page of hits that don't have any porn in them, before they finally get to my essay which doesn't have any porn.  Now I don't want to go on a rant here, but it's really very easy to find porn on the Internet.  If you want to see a pedophile picture, just look here.  Or perhaps you'd prefer some erected twinks (NSFW; gay).  Or, for a different kind of childish sex, why not try frottage (NSFW; Greek pottery and statuary; was panned as "awful link of the day" by SomethingAwful).  For those deviants who like hardcore microplushophilia, there's this cartoon (NSFW; copious semen).  If you're too uptight for any of that stuff, take a gander at ihumpthings.com ("just not funny" said one reviewer).  There's tons of this crap all over the web, so if that's what you're looking for, you don't have to read my essay.

Friends come to visit?

This should be the place where I talk about vignettes, but probably I lost most of my audience after those porn links above, so I think I'll put the vignettes off for another post.

-- Pyesetz the Dog

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